I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
