how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
