I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sorry about my life...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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