When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would ride that face into the sunset
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
