I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
