He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
