i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
