it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
