You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
