no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
