he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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