Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
