gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
