If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
