I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
