I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
