My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
