There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
