I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
