You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
