We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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