my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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