I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
