My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
