okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
