I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
