I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My ass is underappreciated
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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