did you get engaged???
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
