Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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