So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
