Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
