I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
