I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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