I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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