Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
