john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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