You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
