So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
