Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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