Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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