Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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