i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
