dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
