I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
