at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
