I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
