I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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