is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
