I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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