My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Jerry, you need to find god
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
